How to deal with financial FOMO

Let’s say you’ve set a goal to save $200 a week. For the first week or two, you’re cruising – automatically transferring $200 into savings and feeling great. Then a friend invites you to a spontaneous dinner you know will be on the pricier side. It’s fairly easy to stick to your goals when life stays predictable, but it rarely does.

Identifying your priorities and setting financial goals is just the starting point. The real work is honoring them—especially when the world around you is full of competing values, tempting choices, and shiny distractions.

Those temptations can easily make us forget our original decisions and plans, much like a magpie’s attention draws to something glittery. A good friend buys a house upstate, and I ask myself, should I have a house upstate?! Another friend hires an interior designer to redecorate their apartment, and I instinctively think, I should also do this! I learn that the building across the street is filled with artist lofts and immediately my brain screams, I WANT ONE. Clearly, NYC real estate FOMO is very real, and I succumb to it shockingly easily.

So, the question remains: how do you stick to your decisions? Here are a few things that I personally do that have worked for me – and that you can try. And, as an added bonus, I’ll note that there’s science-backed psychology supporting each of them, too.

1. Write it down.

Half of the battle here is knowing what your priorities are. So, once you have them set, write them down. Writing down your priorities takes the emotion out of them and makes them more concrete. Be willing to experiment with what works best for you, too. You can organize your priorities in a money management app, or you can write them on Post-It notes stuck to the front door. You could write them in the Notes app on your phone. But, no matter which format you use, put them somewhere you can see and reference them often and easily – it helps to look at them in the heat of the moment.

2. Before making a big purchase that’s out of alignment with your priorities, ask yourself: how will this make me feel?

If you don’t know the answer, ask yourself another question: how did I feel when I did something similar in the past? If you’re truly stumped, write out a pro and con list. The point is to figure out in advance how something will make you feel before you hit spend on that $250 purse you may or may not actually use – or even truly want.

3. Check in with an accountability partner.

Before you impulse buy that plane ticket for a college friend’s destination wedding when you haven’t seen them in over ten years, talk it out. A financial coach an be a great sounding board here (wink wink, nudge nudge!) But really, anyone you’ve discussed your financial priorities and intentions with is a good start. Text a friend or partner and ask them, “hey, I’m thinking of doing X, but this isn’t something I planned (and it’s not a true emergency need that must be met), can I talk out the pros and cons with you?” The goal here is for your friend or partner to help talk you back into your priorities – not for them to help you pull the trigger on that unaligned expense. 

4. Be honest and spare the details.

If you need to say no to something in order to say yes to your priorities, be honest about it. You can bow out graciously without oversharing – you don’t owe anyone the details of your financial life. You can always say something like:

• Thank you for thinking of me, but I have to pass this time around.

• A dinner at [fancy expensive restaurant] isn’t on the cards for me right now, but I’d love to take you for a coffee to celebrate your birthday.

• I love the idea of [doing expensive thing you don’t care to spend money on], but how about we meet for coffee* in the park instead?

• I’m saving for a down payment right now, so I’m cutting back on extras.

*I really like coffee and it’s almost always a good lower-cost suggested alternative!

5. Make your spending decisions from a positive place, not a negative one.

If you’re in a negative emotional state or cycle, don’t make big financial decisions. Instead, do your best to postpone the decision. But if you can’t postpone it, talk to a trusted friend,partner, or coach! When I’m struggling with insomnia, I follow this rule to a T. When I’m underslept, I’m often cranky and emotional … and somehow think a new dress from Paris will make me feel better (even when I know from experience that it won’t). Simply waiting to make a purchase until I’m more rested and content has saved me a lot of money.

Remember: saying “no” to one thing is saying “yes” to something else. That something else is often your future financial self and the life you want to intentionally build. Sometimes, you owe it to that person to make thoughtful decisions that will improve things for them later.